I am currently in the middle of moving for the ninth time in the span of about nine years and let me tell you, I am sick of it.
The good news is I see myself staying a long time at my next apartment, but that does mean I have to deal with one last move. It is something that I absolutely hate doing. Packing is exhausting and boring, hiring movers is expensive, and then when you’re all done you still have to unpack everything at your new place.
In honor of my upcoming move and to further procrastinate on the packing I should be doing, here are a few things I would rather be doing instead.
Teach Kendall Jenner how to cook.
While I know how to make a few good dishes, my daily cooking routine is mostly just heating up whatever Trader Joe’s prepared food I have for that night. Yes, I know how to cook, it’s just not one of those things I get very excited to do.
And this is where we add Kendall Jenner. Is she known for cooking? No. Is she known for serving? Still, no.
I know that a task this far-fetched would drive me crazy the second Kendall asks me “Is this an onion or garlic?” (it’s a shallot). And yet, I would still rather explain to Kendall the difference between a pot and a pan than pack up all of my worldly possessions.
Differential Calculus.
At one point in my life I actually could do this. In no way do I use calculus in any form in my life currently (professional or personal). It’s not useful to me and it’s not fun for me either. But I might want to reconsider that, I could be a secret genius in need of a reawakening of my mind. Once I remember the rules of differential calculus, it could lead to me solving many world issues with the power of math. Why would anyone think that I should be packing when I could be saving the world!
Watch The Office.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry! This is just never going to be me! Many people in my life have begged me to watch The Office. It is seemingly a show I should love. But then why does it feel so draining every time I think about it?
And I don’t say this to be a “cool girl” who doesn’t watch sitcoms and all the other popular shows. I love popular things, things are usually popular because they’re good! But for some reason The Office just doesn’t scratch that itch for me. That being said if I had to choose between bubble-wrapping my glassware and watching an episode…I might consider it.
The Saturday New York Times crossword puzzle.
If I ever want to make myself feel stupid, I’ll do a Saturday edition of the NYT crossword. I can genuinely go through half the puzzle before I get a single answer. I’m not even a crossword girly really, I am a Sudoku girly through and through. I love doing hard Sudokus, because there is reason and a process of elimination.
While there are some tricks to crosswords, a lot of times it’s either you know it or you don’t. And so many times, I just don’t know it 😭. In any case, please sign me up for extreme emotional duress due to a little game instead of running out of packing tape and having to leave my house to get more.
Fly middle-seat economy on an 11 hour plane ride.
I don’t have a ton of experience with long-haul flights. But those complimentary pretzels and promises of turbulence do sound appealing right now. I would absolutely love to have a sore neck and broken back from flying rather than from being hunched over my silverware drawer and sorting out my forks from my roommate’s forks.
Write, something I supposedly “love” doing.
Oh boy, wow do I love comedy. I love comedy and I love writing comedy but man do I hate writing comedy. Other writers will understand. If you love something it should be easy to do - wrong!
Sometimes it is very hard to sit down and just write. And yet here I am….writing, instead of organizing all of my precious little things into cardboard boxes.
Farewell, as I am sent off to pack…
I will miss you all dearly. I need to unplug from society in order to get my packing completed and be ready to move. Unfortunately I don’t have any Hollywood connections to Kendall Jenner and I don’t have the money for an eleven hour flight no matter where that plane is heading. Alas…I must pack.
